Q.  Hi! I am having a medium sized wedding with about 120 guests. My fiancé thinks we should only have 2-3 attendants each but I want more. Are there any special guidelines that I should follow when selecting how many attendants to have?

A. Excellent question! This is a huge concern for many brides who want a grand affair for their special day without it looking over done. Traditionally, you should have anywhere from 1 to 6 attendants for a semi-formal wedding along with 1 usher for every 50 guests. However, it is becoming increasingly acceptable to choose as many attendants as you want. Whatever number you and your fiancé decide on, try and make sure you both have the same number of attendants on each side. This way you won’t have any lonely bridesmaids or groomsmen walking themselves down the aisle during the recessional portion of your ceremony.

Q. Help! My fiancé and I are planning to get married next year and we both want to have a small wedding with just close friends and family. My mother is helping us pay for the wedding but wants to invite all of her friends and distant relatives, some of which we have never even met. I’ve tried talking to her but she seems to get upset when I bring it up. How can I get her to realize that we don’t want a big wedding without offending?

A. This is a problem that many brides face when someone else if footing the bill, and they feel entitled to have things their way. It sounds like you need to tell your mom exactly how her actions are making you feel. Start the subject off lightly with something like, "I'm worried that with the number of people we're inviting, the ceremony and reception will be overcrowded. Do you think we can work out a compromise?” She needs to remember that this is your day after all, and while you appreciate the support she is giving you, she also needs to respect your wants and needs.

Q. I am thinking about having a live band play at our reception that plays all the hits from the 70’s 80’s and 90’s. My concern is that it might be too loud for the older guests and that the younger guests may get bored with the same genre of music. My fiancé and I love the band and we listen to them every Thursday night where they play. They have offered us a special rate that is cheaper than most DJ’s in the area. What do you recommend?

A. When considering the music for your special day and whether or not to have a live band for your wedding, there are a lot of things you need to consider. For instance, who will do your ceremony music? What will the band play during the meal hour?  Does the band leader know wedding formalities and how to make all of your announcements? Will your wedding be inside or outside? If it is to be inside what are the acoustics like in the building and is the room large or small? A small room with a live band may be too overwhelming for your guests where as a DJ can turn the volume up and down when appropriate. Most DJ’s know wedding etiquette and when to make most of your announcements. They also have many different genres of music available to play at any given time based on the mood and feel of your reception. However, if you’re planning an outdoor wedding a live band can be lots of fun. You may also want to consider having a DJ for the first part of the evening during the meal hour and first dances before having the live band take over for the final portion of your reception when everyone dances.

Q. I have four very close friends that I really want to be in my wedding. The problem is that one of them is a guy. Is it okay to have a guy as a bridesmaid?

A.  Absolutely! This is a trend that is definitely starting to take hold and it’s about time. Your attendants have a supporting role when it comes to helping you get through all of the anxieties of your special day. Only those closest to you can fulfill this sometimes demanding job as they are the only ones who know you best. A person’s gender should not prevent them from fulfilling this role, especially if they have been doing the job for a long time as your best friend. There is even wedding etiquette that has been established for this exact scenario. If one of your bridesmaids is to be a man he is called a Bridesman or Man of Honor depending on the role you want him to fulfill. He should wear the same tux as the groomsmen, but make sure your photographer knows he is in your bridal party and not the grooms.

Q. My fiancé has a close friend he has known since high school that I don’t get along with. He’s irresponsible and extremely inappropriate at times. I don’t want him in the wedding but my fiancé wants him to be his best man. This role has lots of responsibilities and even requires a speech! What should I do?

A.  The best thing you can do is communicate your fears with your fiancé. Share with him your concerns and the problems that you feel will be created if he chooses this person as his best man. Maybe your fiancé doesn’t realize all the responsibility that comes with being the best man. Try explaining to him that the best man is responsible for holding on to your wedding rings until the ceremony and for making a speech during the reception that should be heartfelt and fun not rude or inappropriate. You may also want to gently point out some specific occasions when this person acted irresponsibly or offended you with his actions. Once you’ve voiced your concerns to your fiancé, maybe a good compromise would be to have him as a groomsman in the wedding but not as the best man.